yesterday, I was about done. I was emotionally drained, physically tired (aside from working a typical 12 hour Monday), mentally only half full. The weekend was a rough one, being alone at work and having it be slow gave me a lot of time to think. Probably too much time. But it was nothing a quiet cry session couldn't fix.
The bleeding was still going on, the blood clots bigger than ever, and I really didn't know how much more I could take. I really wanted a solution, I wanted things to be done. Ultimately, I wanted to feel like myself again. Because simply, I wasn't.
Since I hadn't gotten a response from my Ob-Gyn via email, I finally called Monday morning to find out what the next step was. I knew I was going to have surgery, I just wanted to have an idea of when. With my parents going on vacation at various times in the next two months, and the mounting pressure from my boss to have it as soon as possible (for his own convenience in having someone cover me while I am out), I felt like I needed to have a concrete date to look forward to. But I didn't get what I was looking for...yet.
I knew I needed to have an injection of Lupron, but what dosage and for how long was the question. I was originally going to have the surgery done two weeks ago, so I knew that I was in for at least one injection and then surgery was to be done a month later. And seeing that Lupron can be used for up to 3 months (for endometriosis, not for fibroids), the surgery scheduler was talking about December or even January!!
All I knew was I didn't want to wait two more months. It felt like it had been longer than an eternity since this whole thing started, and I just didn't know how much longer I could deal with things. I was on a bit of a time crunch, since Lupron needs to be injected while there is still bleeding. Ding ding! That was indeed happening. And since I would have to wait at least a month before having surgery, I was looking at the end of October at the earliest. Frankly, the earlier the better.
I got myself an appointment for today, which was ultimately cancelled due to overbooking, but I did manage to get the Lupron administered. Hallelujah!!
At this point, I feel like I am one step closer to something more concrete. Yesterday was just not a good day for me, but today felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had a spring in my step, I looked at the sky and the trees differently, I wanted to eat a Krispy Kreme donut. Today was a new day.
So as of right now, the doctor is looking at early November for surgery. I'll probably have to cancel my vacation week that I schedule every year for my birthday. And instead of exploring the streets of Seattle and Vancouver, British Columbia, I'll be laid up in bed recovering with staples in my belly. Not the most ideal way of turning 35, but it's a step in what I hope will be a better direction.